What will my baby look like at six weeks? When is my due date? When should I book my first appointment with the midwife?
These are just some of the questions women type into search engines when they find out they are pregnant.
It was no different for Sammi Klaxon. Shortly after she started looking for answers, algorithms noticed she was pregnant and started targeting her with ads.
But when she lost her baby to a miscarriage, the ads didn't stop.
After her first miscarriage in 2021, Sammi had four more over the next three years.
“As soon as you get that positive test, you feel like a mom,” Sammi says. “You have this plan for the future in your head and when it's taken away from you, it's terrible.”
Feelings of shame and embarrassment left Sammi feeling isolated.
She turned to social media for support and remembers her feed being littered with baby-related ads, which were devastating to her.
Sammi, from Blidworth in Nottinghamshire, eventually removed herself from social media, she says, to preserve her mental health.
Like Sammi, Tanya O'Carroll was hit with targeted ads from Facebook when she discovered she was pregnant in 2017.
“I just found it nerve-wracking – this was before I'd even told people in my private life,” she told the BBC.
In March, after Tanya filed a lawsuit, Facebook agreed to stop targeting ads to an individual user using personal data.
Tanya's lawsuit argued that Facebook's targeted advertising system fell under the UK definition of direct marketing, giving individuals the right to object.
'Creepy, invasive ads'
Meta – which runs Facebook and Instagram – said ads on its platforms could only be targeted to groups of at least 100 people, rather than individuals, and so did not count as direct marketing.
But the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) disagreed.
Tanya said Meta had agreed to stop using her personal information for direct marketing purposes, “which in non-legalese means I've been able to essentially turn off all the creepy, invasive, targeted advertising on Facebook.”
As far as she and her legal team know, she is now the only one of Britain's more than 50 million Facebook users not to be targeted with personalized ads.
Tanya adds that there are now more than 10,000 people who have appealed to Meta to stop using their data for direct marketing – which could lead to further lawsuits.
Rhiannon Lawson threw herself into planning her baby when she found out she was pregnant [Rhiannon Lawson]
But the case has not changed anything for many women who have lost their babies but are still 'bombarded' with pregnancy-related advertisements.
This includes Rhiannon Lawson, from Suffolk, who told the BBC that seeing those two blue lines on her pregnancy test left her and her partner Mike 'full of hope'.
Like many other parents-to-be, they gave their growing baby a name.
“We named them Fantus, after a children's character we saw all the time when visiting friends in Denmark,” says Rhiannon.
But after early bleeding, a test revealed that Rhiannon had suffered a miscarriage at eight weeks.
Early scans of baby Hudson were initially reassuring for his mother Rhiannon [Rhiannon Lawson]
In October last year she discovered she was pregnant again and this time she was reassured with some early scans.
But then came the 20-week scan, which revealed that the baby boy – who the couple named Hudson – had a severe form of hypoplastic left heart syndrome.
“There was no way forward,” she says, and Hudson was stillborn at 22 weeks in March.
Devastated, Rhiannon and her partner turned to social media for support, playing word games together online.
Rhiannon has been pregnant twice, but lost both her babies [Rhiannon Lawson]
But after saying goodbye to their son, the pair were still confronted with baby-related ads on their phones.
Rhiannon says: “Maternity apps still send milestone notifications. Baby stores offer discounts on items we'll never need. Ads for strollers and newborn essentials pop up in between regular scrolling.
“Technology does not understand loss and when we least expect it, it reminds us with devastating precision of what we no longer have.”
'Give consent or pay'
In late September, Meta announced it would introduce a subscription service for users who don't want to see ads in Britain.
It means that if you don't want to see any more ads, you have to pay €2.99 per month.
The advertising model, known as “consent or payment,” is a way for digital platform owners to generate revenue from users who refuse to be tracked.
But Rhiannon says it won't help.
“If they [Meta] caring about their users and asking them not to see shocking content seems unreasonable,” she said.
Hayley Dawe says she was targeted by ads despite changing her preferences [BBC]
After three rounds of failed in vitro fertilization (IVF), Hayley Dawe and her partner Anthony were 'floored' when they discovered they were expecting twins. They immediately joined many online twin groups and scoured the internet for tips and advice.
They already had a six-year-old daughter and were therefore excited about their two new additions.
But that excitement turned to devastation when an early scan confirmed that one of the twins had died a week earlier.
And on the day of her next scan, the room fell silent because her other twin brother also had no heartbeat – and had died the day before.
“I broke,” she says.
Hayley looked for support on online forums, but was confronted with advertisements for maternity clothes, pregnancy pillows and pregnancy tracker apps, among other things.
For Hayley, leaving social media was “not an option” as it was there that she discovered other women were going through similar experiences.
On Facebook, users can access ad topics they don't want to see, including wrestling, chocolate and board games.
But Hayley says she was shocked to discover that pregnancy wasn't one of those options.
She flagged some ads as spam, but says she was still exposed to repeated pregnancy promotions three weeks later.
Like Rhiannon, Hayley is not in favor of a paid subscription.
She says, “Why do I have to pay when there are options to change preferences that don't seem to work?”
Arturo Bejar says the 'mark as spam' button does little [Arturo Bejar]
Sammi, Rhiannon, and Hayley's experiences with triggering content come as no shock to former Meta employee Arturo Bejar.
“Mark it as spam [button] was not connected to anything,” says Arturo, who was part of the senior management team.
“We found that in some cases, aid reports were being thrown out because there were too many.”
He worked for Meta between 2009 and 2015, and again from 2019 to 2021. Arturo also gave testimony to the US Congress in 2023 about how he believed Meta was not keeping users safe.
Arturo adds, “They like to say they care, but they just want to get more users on their platforms so they can make more money. I think it's inexcusable. It's inhumane.”
In response, a Meta spokesperson said: “We take these concerns seriously and continue to improve the sensitivity and accuracy of the way ads are served.
“Our systems are designed to share the most relevant and useful content, but they are not perfect and some ads may occasionally seem inconsiderate or out of place. As we continue to refine our models, we encourage people to opt out of certain categories.”
'It reminds me of everything I've lost'
[BBC]
I know how distressing these ads are because I'm part of the same parenting club that no one wants to be a part of.
On April 18, 2020 I gave birth to my daughter Liliana.
I carried her for 40 weeks, and then her heart stopped beating inside me – two days after her due date.
I spent a few precious hours trying to remember her face, her weight in my arms, and what her skin felt like.
I have a hard time with the word 'loss' because I didn't lose her like a bunch of keys on the back of the couch.
Since Liliana's death I have had a daughter and a son, and two more miscarriages. I always say that I am a mother of two babies that I can hold in my arms – and three that I can hold in my heart.
When I'm at my most vulnerable and scouring social media for support, I'm hit in the face by targeted ads of giggling babies, blooming pregnancy bumps, happy families, reminding me of everything I've lost.
If you are experiencing any of the issues mentioned in this article, please visit the website BBC action line for help.
Follow BBC Nottingham on Facebookon Xor on Instagram. Send your story ideas to [email protected] or via WhatsApp on 0808 100 2210.
