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Selena Gomez’s new documentary “My Mind & Me” premiered Friday on Apple TV+.
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The film shows Gomez going into a mental health crisis during her ‘Revival’ tour in 2016.
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In one clip, Gomez’s former assistant says the singer had suicidal thoughts and her eyes were “pitch black.”
“Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me” pulls back the curtain on the singer’s “psychotic break” that landed her in hospital in 2018.
The new Apple TV+ documentary, which premiered on Friday, opens with footage from Gomez’s “Revival” tour in 2016. During rehearsals and while on the road, she is shown experiencing a mental health crisis that prompted her to leave the tour after 55 performances. to cancel .
“At one point she said, ‘I don’t want to live now, I don’t want to live,'” said Gomez’s former assistant, Theresa Marie Mingus, during an interview clip. “And I’m like, ‘Wait, what?'”
“It was one of those moments where you look into her eyes and there’s nothing,” Mingus continued. “It was just pitch dark. And it’s so scary. You think, ‘Okay, fuck this. This has got to stop. We have to go home.'”
Gomez’ close friend Raquelle Stevens also opened up about the confusion and pain she had endured at the time.
“We had to have a very serious conversation with her, like, ‘What’s going on?’ Her response was also like, ‘I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I wish you could feel what it feels like to be in my head,'” Stevens said of Gomez.
“I just remember it was very chaotic and she heard all these voices,” Stevens continued. “They got louder and louder and louder. That caused a kind of psychotic break.”
In 2017, Gomez underwent a life-saving kidney transplant that she needed as a result of her lupus. A year later, she developed more health complications that exacerbated her declining mental state. She was eventually taken to a psychiatric hospital.
“If anyone had seen what I saw, in the condition she was in the mental hospital, they wouldn’t have recognized her at all,” Stevens said of Gomez.
The superstar’s mother, Mandy Teefy, added that Gomez’s family learned about her “mental breakdown” via TMZ.
“I was afraid she was going to die,” Teefy said. “It’s a miracle she got out. But there’s always the fear that it’s going to happen again and it hurt us so much.”
In a voiceover, Gomez reflected on her experience at the facility, where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
“I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to go to a mental hospital,” she said. “But I didn’t want to be stuck in myself, in my thoughts. I thought my life was over. I thought, ‘This is who I will be forever.'”
Later in the documentary, during a volunteer trip to Kenya in 2019, Gomez is shown opening up to a local nursing student about thoughts of self-harm.
She recently told Rolling Stone that she “never attempted suicide, but has been thinking about it for a few years,” as editor Alex Morris has paraphrased.
“I thought the world would be a better place if I wasn’t there,” Gomez told Morris.
“I remind myself I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the psychotic breakup, if it wasn’t for my lupus, if it wasn’t for my diagnosis,” she added later in the interview. “I think I would probably just be another annoying entity who just wants to wear nice clothes all the time. I’m depressed when I think about who I would be.”
Read the original article on Insider
