Rudy Giuliani has been a national punchline for so long that the hilarity that once accompanied his antics is finally gone.
Remember that time when President Donald Trump’s former attorney called an NBC News reporter on the butt, not once, but twice? Or his habit of accidentally sending messages and photos to the wrong numbers? The time hair dye dripped down his temples as if his head was melting? That weird Abraham Lincoln impersonation he did for a political ad? Sacha Baron Cohen making fun of him in a movie? The crazy speech he gave last fall at a 9/11 memorial dinner and his denial of being intoxicated while giving it? The time he said $135,000 “isn’t change, but it’s pretty close”? Or how about reporter Olivia Nuzzi’s interview with Giuliani in the hotel bar, his fly unzipped and drool trickling down his face? His appearance in “The Masked Singer”?
These fond memories of Giuliani, the political buffoon—the man who wants to say stupid things in defense of Trump, the fanciful slanderer, the braying conspirator, the confused older man—has tickled us for so long. But the 78-year-old received such chastisement this week that human compassion requires that we stop laughing at the former mayor’s suffering and start sobbing instead. The man has become a pathetic spectacle, besieged on all fronts and humiliated at every moment. Take a look at Rudy’s septimana horribilis†
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In her Jan. 6 committee testimony, Cassidy Hutchinson said Giuliani asked for a pardon. He tweeted a denial (which he subsequently deleted) that seemed to imply that he was asking for a pardon.
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Hutchinson also linked Giuliani to the events of January 6. She heard talk about the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers in his presence and said he told her, ‘Are you excited for the 6th? It’s going to be a great day. … We†he’s going to the Capitol,” implying he knew what was coming.
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His son, Andrew, was clocked in the Republican primary for governor.
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Lev Parnas, Giuliani’s associate who acted as an intermediary for Rudy’s Ukraine adventures, was sentenced to 20 months in prison for fraud and campaign finance violations. (Giuliani has denied any knowledge of Parnas’s crimes.)
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A Staten Island store clerk was arrested for assault after hitting Giuliani on the back during a campaign event for his son. It felt “like someone was shooting me,” Giuliani claimed. But the security video of the incident shared by the New York Post revealed the contact as more of a tap than a haymaker, and the clerk’s misdemeanor arrest was reduced to a felony. New York City Mayor Eric Adams accused Giuliani of exaggerating the blow.
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Two Georgia polling officers testified before Congress last week, contesting the vote-fraud allegations made against them by Giuliani after the 2020 general election. Said Giuliani in a December 2020 video, they passed “USB ports as if they were vials of heroin or cocaine.” One of the workers testified that her mother had given her a ginger cookie.
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Giuliani’s fortune has fallen so low that he was reduced to $49.98 sandals from MyPillow.com this week on his Twitter account:Promotion code: Rudy†
How much further can a man fall than being a MyPillow pitchman? A lot. The FBI is still investigating Giuliani’s activities in Ukraine, and in June the Office of Disciplinary Counsel in Washington DC filed charges against him for ethical misconduct.
You could compile an anthology from Rudy’s recent press clips (see: “What happened to Rudy Giuliani? It’s a long story”; “I must be ‘really stupid’ because Rudy is F*cked”; “Is Rudy Giuliani being losing sanity?”; “The Crazy Last Days of Rudy Giuliani and Steve Bannon”; “How Rudy Giuliani went from 9/11 holy mayor to the Haunted Ghoul in 2021”; “What happened to Rudy Giuliani? ”; “How Rudy Giuliani Became Trump’s Clown” ; “The Fog of Rudy”; “What Happened to America’s Mayor?”), which would surpass the DSM-5 for sheer craziness. Giuliani pieces often reference to his drinking – he says he likes whiskey with his cigars, but he has no drinking problem, and disputes every claim to the contrary.Last month he called Trump campaign aide Jason Miller a liar in a mid-June tweet (later deleted) after Miller testified to Giuliani’s alleged inebriation on election night 20 20. Giuliani is said to have advised the president to declare victory that night — in her opening statement, the commission’s vice-chair, Rep. Liz Cheney, a Republican from Wyoming, made that claim and said it came from “an apparently intoxicated Rudy Giuliani.” In his deleted tweet, Giuliani wrote that he had renounced alcohol that night. “My favorite drink… Diet Pepsi,” the tweet read.
Was Categorical Denial the Smartest Strategy? If you’re being accused of something really stupid, like advising the president to declare victory prematurely, shouldn’t you consider taking advantage of the leniency that is automatically granted to people who confess to having had too much to drink – even if did you not have a sip? It’s not too late, Rudy. If your miserable week turns into a miserable month and then a miserable year, you could do worse than find something outside of yourself to blame for your problems.
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Send cigar bar tips to [email protected]† No new email alert subscriptions are honored at this time. Mine Twitter drink sparingly. Mine RSS feed says drink deeply from the fountain of life or not at all.
