This article is part of the On Tech newsletter. Here is a collection of previous columns†
The company we know as Facebook announced on Tuesday that its employees will henceforth be called ‘Metamates’. This is apparently a naval reference† And a cognitive scientist who doesn’t use social media was the one who suggested this namein the postscript of an email.
All weird. On the other hand, “Facebookers” was also pretty weird.
The problem isn’t that Facebook/Meta/whatever has chosen an inconvenient name to refer to its employees. The problem is that technology companies like to use proper names for their employees. This is not normal.
The point is, technology is normal now. There was a time when the tech industry was new and different, and so were corporate cultures. But technology is now so ingrained in our lives that many of the company’s quirks that felt cute in 2000 now seem artifice.
I humbly suggest that tech companies try to act like the business leaders they are. Maybe they can start rethinking those names.
Google employees are called Googlers. Newly hired Googlers are Nooglers. Former Googlers are Xooglers. There are Pinployees on Pinterest. Twilions work for Twilio. Dashers deliver burritos for DoorDash. Toasters toil for a company that makes newfangled cash registers.
Boxers are in the corner at the software company Box and Dropboxers at the Dropbox of the same name. Splunk calls its workers Splunkers. It is a shame. The cave explorer term Spelunkers was right there. HubSpot’s HubSpotters and Amazon’s Amazonians sound like rival teams in the Canadian Football League.
Silicon Valley also has Puritans (Pure Storage employees), Palantirians (Palantir) and… wait for it… Coinbaes at the Bitcoin bank Coinbase. (“Bae” is an expression of affection for someone special.)
You may find this corny or cute. It’s both! And if people feel more connected to their colleagues through copious puns on bread, then give me up. Okay, that was bad. Sorry.
The appointment of employees is not exclusively, but above all a technical thing. As far as I know, JPMorgan Chase bank clerks are not regularly referred to as ‘Chasers’. New York Times employees aren’t called “gray ladies” like the newspaper’s old nickname—and if you call me a gray lady, I’ll punch you in the nose with a fat Sunday paper. (Or I would, if I hadn’t gone all digital.)
I can’t help but feel that these naming conventions for tech workers are a lingering artifact of the era of technology being the odd one out in the zoo of the world.
Believe it or not, there was a time when technology was a fringe industry desperate for attention. Steve Jobs used to call home reporters to convince them to care more about the things Apple was doing. Technology companies embraced their status of outsider and underdog. It was cool to be different and unwanted.
That is no longer reality. Technology has won, and it’s everything and everywhere. Human communication is inextricably linked to technology, as are money, entertainment, agriculture, transportation, our interactions with government and the way we learn and work. Tech companies and executives are among the richest and most powerful forces in the world. Elon Musk can move stocks with tweets from the toilet.
Maybe I’m just a joyless kill joy. (I am.) But the more consistent and ubiquitous technology becomes, the more it feels inappropriate for tech companies to behave like misfits.
Some technical quirks are pretty good. Who can argue with free employee sundaes and office chairs that double as works of art? And techs don’t have to be soulless drones. But there has to be a happy balance between boring business leaders and the billionaire co-founder of Palantir who tossed his company’s stock while on roller skis and wearing sportswear and goggles.
As with many things about technology, those proper names for corporate employees may need to be reconsidered. However, Coinbase can keep Coinbaes. Really A+.
