Alopecia is no laughing matter. Comedian Chris Rock learned that the hard way at the 94th Academy Awards on Sunday night.
By now, most of us have seen ‘the blow’. Actor Will Smith stormed onto the stage and punched Rock, an Oscars host, in the face after the comedian joked about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith. “Jada, I love you. ‘GI Jane 2,’ can’t wait to see it,” Rock joked.
Actress Demi Moore famously shaved her head for her role in the movie “GI Jane” and Pinkett Smith has a sleek haircut because she suffers from alopecia, an autoimmune disease that causes hair loss. Pinkett Smith was visibly upset by Rock’s joke, launching her husband onstage for the now infamous showdown.
I can’t defend or condone Smith’s violent act, but I understand his instinct to protect his wife at the time better than most. You see, my wife Nichole also suffers from alopecia, and there is nothing funny about her struggle.
“Alopecia is by far one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with,” she said. “No one knows the tears I’ve cried, the insecurities I keep feeling, the looks I see and the comments I hear.”
Nobody but me. I’ve seen firsthand the emotional toll that the loss of her hair patches has taken at one point. I dried her tears, affirmed her beauty, and held her hand—and even the razor and scissors—when she made the unbearable choice a few years ago to shave all her hair.
It is heartbreaking to see someone you love suffer. So I can empathize with Smith’s gut reaction to protect and defend his wife at all costs from the cruelty and insensitivity of others. Trust me, I also wanted to hit more than my fair share of wiseguys. But as Rock himself famously said during one of his stand-up comedy routines, “There’s a reason to hit everyone. You just don’t do it.”
Smith missed a great opportunity by using his fist instead of his voice to educate America and empower the millions of people who suffer from alopecia. The 6.8 million people in the US and 147 million people worldwide who have or will develop alopecia in their lifetime should be the trending topic of conversation, not some beef between two Hollywood celebrities.
“For so much love and support that Will thought he showed Jada, violence is not the answer, education is,” my wife said. “Will Smith missed a great opportunity not only to support his wife, but to educate the world about what alopecia is and how it affects millions of people every day.
“Millions of women, men and children face the daily struggles of living with alopecia in a world that defines beauty standards by the hair on our heads,” she said. “Adults are judged and examined by the decision to go bald, and children are bullied daily because of a condition they have no control over; some even commit suicide through the cruel treatment of others.”
More media attention is given to the controversy over the Oscars than to stories like that of 12-year-old Rio Allred from Indiana who killed herself because she was bullied for having alopecia. Talk about a slap in the face.
As editor-in-chief of bald life magazine, Jamie Elmore has created a safe space for men, women and children to share their alopecia/hair loss stories. The first issue of the magazine featured a cover story about Massachusetts Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley, who is from Cincinnati and also suffers from alopecia.
“Unfortunately, society has enforced a lie that the narrow view of beauty is reserved only for those with a full head of hair,” Elmore said.
But I know differently. My wife is the most beautiful and brave person I know. I remember the first time she shaved her head and had to go to work the next day. At the time, she was working at South Avondale Elementary School. I could see the fear and worry in her eyes, the questions swirling through her mind as she walked to the door.
What will the children say? How will the teachers and staff react? Will people stare, point, laugh, talk behind my back?
I half expected her to come to the door, think twice and not go. No one—especially me—would have blamed her. It was a huge step into a scary new world. But despite her concerns, she persevered. I wanted so badly to go with her, to cover and protect her, but I knew this was something she had to do on her own. I’ve never been prouder and seen few things braver.
When she got home that evening, she would confess to me that she spent her first public bald day at work in her office, unobtrusively and crying all the time. But with each passing day, she felt more comfortable with her new look and soon had the confidence to brave the hallways and classrooms of South Avondale again. And what she could not have known or foreseen was that she became an inspiration to other women – some of whom she knew – who were quietly suffering from alopecia.
“As a woman who has accepted and embraced my alopecia journey, being compared to GI Jane is considered a compliment,” Nichole said. “I mean, after all, she was bad, brave and yes, bald. However, I understand there are a lot of people who aren’t as far as I am in their alopecia run, including Jada Pinkett Smith.
“Perhaps now people will take the time to learn and understand alopecia,” she said. “Maybe we’ll get a cure, or at least in the meantime, maybe we could be nicer, more compassionate, and more empathetic to each other.”
Stories like my wife’s deserve to be told, respected and celebrated. It was unfortunate that Chris Rock was slammed on one of the world’s biggest stages, but even more regrettable is that Smith wasted an opportunity to use an ugly moment to teach the world that bald is beautiful.
Opinion and Engagement Editor Kevin S. Aldridge can be reached at [email protected]. Twitter: @kevaldrid.
This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: My Wife Has Alopecia. Showkaal is beautiful with words, no clap
