Dear Abby,
A few months ago I volunteered to help an old friend with some landscaping. The area to be built is small. I was afraid that a professional landscape gardener would ask too much of her. She contacted a landscaper anyway – not to hire him, but to sort out his brain.
When he arrived, it was clear he didn’t want the job, and she didn’t offer him either. She accepted my offer. Then she put it off for a few months, during which time I was busy with other projects. But I made time for her, and we sat down to look at her project. She confessed that she had no experience with landscaping and plant selection, and she needed my help with that too.
After she made the most feasible suggestions I offered, we went to look at plants – LOTS of plants – none of which she liked. After a frustrating few hours, she said she would just plant what she initially thought about planting. I told her if she did, she wouldn’t need my help. She told me to be more patient, and if she had known I wouldn’t help her, she would have hired the landscaper anyway. (It wasn’t true. She never intended to hire him.)
I told her to be more decisive, and although she’d told me she needed my experience, she didn’t accept it. She also couldn’t see that she had wasted hours of my time. We’ve barely spoken to each other since then. So, am I wrong here?
— Green thumb in Texas
No, you are not wrong. No good deed goes unpunished. Consider yourself lucky that you haven’t spoken much since then. And then don’t broach the subject again unless you want to experience more frustration.
Nursing home residents need more community support
Dear Abby,
I am the operations director of a nursing/rehabilitation center in Montana. My residents and I want you to know how much we enjoy your column. We read it every day and discuss what advice we would give to your letter writers. Your column is a highlight of our afternoons.
We also want to remind your readers that there are plenty of homes like ours, filled with people like us. We would appreciate and benefit from being recognized by our communities, not just during the holidays, but all year round. These houses are full of your grandparents, parents and other relatives and friends. Our community has always been loving and supportive of us. We hope that houses in other locations are as happy as we are.
Thank you for your column. We look forward to more!
— Loyal resident, Deer Lodge MT
Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful letter. I’m glad your residents have the support of the good citizens of your community; it says nice things about the people of Montana. I know my column is discussed around many breakfast tables and water coolers because it’s a surefire conversation starter. That is why it is popular in many nursing homes and rehabilitation centers.
It is my hope that more readers will find the time to visit the residents of these homes not only for the joy it will bring them, but also to take advantage of the wealth of experience these individuals have accumulated over their long lives. During the holidays there are many visitors, but at other times they are very quiet.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
This article originally appeared in The Providence Journal: Dear Abby: Landscaping project from hell destroys a friendship
