Skip to content

I lived in a van for 4 years, dated and had sex. Here are the answers to 6 questions people always ask me.

    Kaya Lindsay smiling selfie on the left, Kaya Lindsay standing on top of a van with the mountain in the background on the right

    I went out, traveled and lived in my van for four years before deciding to move into a house.Kaya Lindsay

    • When people hear that I lived in a van for four years, many wonder how it affected my personal life.

    • Sex in a van is pretty much the same as outside a van, but there’s a lot less headroom.

    • Life-to-life relationships can be both difficult and rewarding. The key is to set clear boundaries.

    Love, sex and relationships can be messy regardless of your living situation. Things can get especially tricky if you live in a van, like I chose to do for four years.

    Here are my answers to some of the most common questions people ask me about how my life on the road affects my sex and love life, along with the lessons I’ve learned from the relationships around me.

    Is sex different in such a small space?

    Sex in a van is just like sex anywhere else, but with less headroom.

    Most vans have a bed platform at the rear of the vehicle and headroom can range from a reasonable 5 feet to a very cozy 2 feet.

    The limiting factor is whether both persons can lie down comfortably in the space available to them. If they can’t, they’ll have to get creative.

    What have you learned from sex in a van?

    Kaya Lindsay in front of the van

    I moved from my parental home to a van in 2016.Kaya Lindsay

    These are some of the most important things I’ve learned about an active sex life on the go.

    • Baby wipes are your friend for keeping things clean.

    • Sexual health and maintenance are still important, so always urinate after sex to reduce the chance of getting a urinary tract infection. Your pee should be nearby.

    • Some positions, like Cowgirl, are less feasible unless you have a lot of headroom or decide to bring things to the floor.

    • Position yourself and your partner in the van for a long time to reduce rocking and shaking. Vehicles shake more when you move them back and forth instead of front to back.

    • Be safe when doing the deed and stick to forest service land or camping areas. At the very least, buy some sturdy curtains.

    What is it like to live so close to your partner?

    Living together in a van is a lot of fun. It’s great to have your adventurous partner with you to share road trip music and admire the starry skies, but living in a small space and managing road trip logistics together can also be really difficult.

    The most common relationship model I see is two people living together in the same van. It often works well because many people in this situation decided to move from a house or apartment to a van together.

    When you’re in a relationship along the way, you deal with every little, awkward detail right away. You both have nowhere to go, so you need to resolve conflicts right away. Plus you’re always, and I mean always, clean up one after the other.

    For some people, this dynamic ends a relationship pretty quickly. For others, it helps to reinforce the reasons that they work well together.

    How does the relationship change when two people live in different vans?

    Kaya Lindsay stands between two vans

    Some couples live in separate vans, but travel together to the same places.Kaya Lindsay

    If you are single and traveling around, chances are you will meet someone else who is single and traveling around. When this happens, it’s only natural that the two of you decide to travel to the same places together for a while.

    Finding parking for two vans at campgrounds, in friends’ driveways, and many places is much more challenging than finding a spot for one van.

    Two vans can sometimes feel extremely inconvenient to travel. I’ve also found that you end up spending most of your time in the van with the largest bed.

    What’s it like dating someone who lives in a house when you live in a van?

    You meet a lot of cool people when you travel in a van, and a lot of those people have houses.

    My best advice is to try not to go straight to their driveway. While on the road, you can get used to a communal way of life, sharing camping and dining with strangers nearby. But remember: most people don’t think of their space that way. So, don’t be a sissy.

    I’ve found it’s best not to treat your partner’s house as a place to check off your to-do list or you’ll ruin the romance. Most people won’t be happy if you come into town to sleep in their driveway, shower, do laundry, and then leave.

    And if you live in a house and your partner lives along the road?

    Kaya Lindsay is on top of a van in the desert

    I got used to the communal nature of life, which is rare and not common in many other places.Kaya Lindsay

    If you happen to be on the other side of this dynamic, where you, a person living in a house, meet someone special who lives a nomadic lifestyle, feel comfortable setting boundaries.

    It can be challenging to set boundaries for your partner, especially if they struggle to find other parking spaces, but meeting your needs is important. You pay the rent or mortgage to live in your home, and they don’t.

    Read the original article on Insider