Republican politicians such as Florida Governor Ron DeSantis proudly praise their crusade against the word “wake up” and all things “wake up.”
But what does “awake” mean? For those who have yet to face the existential threat of wakefulness, there are two definitions.
If you believe in dictionaries, Merriam-Webster defines “awake” as “aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice).”
If you believe that dictionaries are a Marxist tool and you support politicians like DeSantis, “awake” means, “Uh, something? Probably the worst imaginable. Definitely something that needs to be stopped.”
Making people think about things sounds ouch
For example, let’s say I’m a white person – and I am – who has to go to a mandatory diversity training course at work. In that session I am told that sexism and gender discrimination are real and that America’s long history of racism continues to negatively affect black people.
If I have to look at the world through a different lens than mine, there is a chance that I will start to think differently about things or have feelings.
How is that fair?
Ideological mobs scare us. Time to stand up for ourselves.
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Don’t worry, DeSantis is on the case
In Florida, DeSantis is fighting the good fight against what the word “awake” means. He recently signed up to a not-quite-ridiculous-sounding bill called the Stop WOKE Act. But before all the wakefulness could be stopped, a federal judge leaned on the First Amendment — the wake-like part of the U.S. Constitution — to prevent the state from enforcing some of the law.
Can you believe it? Now the vigilance probably continues unabated in the great state of Florida.
Don’t make non-marginalized people like me feel bad
The judge wrote that the law, which prohibits companies and schools from teaching diversity or history in a way that would unjustifiably make non-marginalized people like me feel uncomfortable, violates the First Amendment and “a naked, viewpoint-based regulation.” on speech”.
Real Florida? A 16-year-old is mature enough to have a baby, but no abortion?
That is ridiculous. Yes, the law tries to regulate other viewpoints in workplaces or schools, but there is no need to bring the word “naked” into the discussion. That sounds like wakeism.
The First Amendment was ‘upside down’
In his ruling blocking Florida from enforcing the Stop WOKE law as it applies to businesses, U.S. District Court Mark E. Walker wrote that Florida had “turned the First Amendment upside down” and is trying to win an argument “by its muzzle opponents.”
That seems totally unreasonable to me. All the law tries to do is rule out discussions of racism or sexism that make white guys like me feel “guilt, fear, or other forms of psychological distress.” Have we not suffered enough?
The Churchill of war woke up
The good news is that this legal setback is not stopping DeSantis. He made his belief in the war on awakening abundantly clear during a speech on Saturday: “We have to fight against the awakening in our schools. We must fight the awakening in our companies. We must fight against the awakening in government agencies. We can never, ever surrender to the awakened ideology.”
It was as if the governor and possible presidential candidate of the GOP was channeling Winston Churchill, if Churchill had the charisma of a light undertaker buzz and was only afraid that the Nazis would reach the shores of England and teach British children that racism is something that exists .
Imagine the random acts of waking up in Florida
My fear, and I’m sure the fear that many Floridians are facing right now, is that while the Stop WOKE bill is being repealed, dangerous acts of awakening will break out across the state.
One can imagine the tragic news stories in the coming weeks:
►A 52-year-old Osceola County man was registered in good condition on Thursday after passing out after hearing a group of social justice fighters wake up talking about the gender pay gap in his company cafeteria.
►A white, 15-year-old Cocoa Beach High School student was diagnosed with “acute wakefulness-induced nausea” on Tuesday after a history lesson in which the teacher suggested racism in America didn’t end when slavery was abolished.
►Following a mandatory workplace training seminar on inclusivity, a 43-year-old Kissimmee woman collapsed upon learning that gays are real and was rushed to the nearest Emergency Wokeness Exposure Center, where she was revived by old episodes from Pat Robertson’s “The 700 Club.”
That’s the kind of dystopian world ideologues want us to live in, one where “understanding” others is “good” and where people who “cannot remember the past” are “doomed to repeat it.”
There will be no thinking on my watch
NO, THANK YOU!
It’s time to open your eyes and wake up, folks. This is war. And the first step to victory comes by closing your eyes and not being awake.
More satire and humor columns from Rex Huppke:
A defense of Domino’s Pizza, which Italy rudely rejected. More for me, please.
‘Defund the FBI’: Trump supporters calmly respond to search for Mar-a-Lago
Is ‘wokeness’ responsible for heatwaves in the US and Europe? Absolute.
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Ron DeSantis declares war on work even if Stop WOKE Act is repealed
