While dr. Jay was updating the book in 2020, she received dozens more emails from readers. Some people told her they felt the pandemic stole their defining decade and robbed them of the motivation and opportunity to pursue what they wanted. Others said that because they were cooped up at home, they finally had time to read her book.
Twenty-somethings experienced the discomfort that Dr. Jay had described over the past decade, but it was amplified by Covid isolation. Jahleane Dolne, 25, a TikTok fan of “The Defining Decade,” found herself applying from her parents’ house, scrolling LinkedIn while sitting next to her high school cheerleader uniform and prom gown. Jasmine Yook, 30, who also posted about the book on TikTok, re-read Dr. Jay at age 29, reflecting on the gap between where she wanted to be in her fashion career and where she had landed.
Dr. Jay responded to these readers with football coach pep. “This is your Great Depression,” she said. “This is your recession. This is your generational setback, and what have you done? How did you react? To say, “Well, I went nuts and started a podcast,” or, “I read 50 books that I said I was going to read,” is a metaphor or an example of how you react when life gets tough. ‘
And while much of her advice may sound intimidating, she’s not against offering hacks. “You’re asking about formulas,” Dr. Jay said over lunch, after discussing the balance between seeking joy now and working hard to lay the foundations for joy in years to come. “There’s actually a very loose formula.”
Everyone at the table leaned forward.
“Happy successful people say they spend about half of their time thinking about the present, ‘What will make me feel happy and successful now,’ and about half thinking about the future,” continued Dr. Jay. “If someone asked me about a formula, how do I balance being happy in my twenties and being happy after that, I’d probably say about half and half.”
On the other side of a frying pan, Mrs. Liddy and Mrs. Flowers nodded wisely. The advice wasn’t so much a panacea as a flash of hope. There was wisdom they could hold onto. Somewhere in the distance was land – or at least thirtysomethings.
