Question: “So earlier this year I surprised my girlfriends with tickets to a concert in another state, so we decided to make it a vacation. We’ve been planning for about three months and have booked our plane tickets, Airbnb and fun things to take everything off Well two days ago we would pay for all these things and my friends decided to tell me that my ex boyfriend (who I dated for two years) is coming We broke up six months ago I didn’t know what to say at the time because I was shocked I was constantly thinking about it and how I was trying to do something nice for my friends but I don’t understand why they would invite my ex…boyfriend along .
Originally we were supposed to be four girls and one of their boyfriends. So they say my ex is coming to give the other man company. But they never said that to me the whole time we were planning and waited until the day we paid the rent and plane tickets. I want to have a good time, but now I’m in my head to go on a 10 day trip with my ex. We haven’t talked since I broke up with him, and I don’t consider him my friend. I don’t understand why he would even agree to this trip I originally planned. I also don’t understand why my “friends” would think this is okay. I’m sure they don’t want their ex-partner to come either. I have nothing against my ex but now I feel like my experience will not be the same because he will be there. But I also don’t want to ruin the trip for anyone. I just wanted to do something nice for my friends because I love them. But right now I’m pretty mad at them, and it’s eating me up because I wouldn’t do that to them. Who in their right mind thinks this is okay? I don’t know if I’m taking this too personally or if I’m exaggerating? Please let me know what you think.”
When do I end it?: My boyfriend hasn’t taken me on a date in 4 years and refuses to be intimate.
Answer: “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this sabotage on what was supposed to be a fun trip. It’s a shame that your friends turned such a nice gesture into something that you, the one who gifted the concert tickets, don’t even enjoy or being comfortable with it I don’t think you are overreacting This is a strange situation and I wonder what their real motive is That said how should you handle this going forward?
My best friends are dating and one of them cheated on me: Do I have to participate?
I think a sit-down conversation with your friends ASAP is a must. They need to understand what your intentions were behind this journey and why this is so disturbing to you. As amicable as the split was, I don’t think spending ten days in a row with a previous partner is the ideal vacation for anyone. You’re supposed to have fun with your friends, going out, maybe meeting new people, and that’s kind of hard with an ex breathing over your shoulder. And he may not make trouble, but it’s still not what you wanted for a journey you started, and that’s what you need to communicate to your friends. Perhaps during this conversation it will become clearer why they felt the need to invite him.
If they insist on him attending and you’re still uncomfortable with it, I’d consider adjusting plans somehow or canceling altogether. If you are unable to invite others or get refunds/credits/sell your tickets, please consider forgoing your non-refundable deposits. I had a previous trip with a friend that went so bad that I had to have my own hotel the rest of the time, and I haven’t spoken to her since. I would hate to see you have to go through something like that because things are so awkward when you get to your destination. I noticed you call them your “friends,” and I think you may be onto something. True, sincere, considerate friends would not invite an ex on a trip. However, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and hope there is no malicious intent behind this invitation. Your conversation with them provides more insight.
I wish you the best and hope you get the trip you wanted,
Morgan
Morgan Absher is an occupational therapist in Los Angeles who hosts the podcast “Two Hot Takes,” in which she and her co-hosts share advice. She writes a weekly column and shares her advice with the readers of USA TODAY. Find her here on TikTok @twohottakes and YouTube. You can reach her by email at [email protected] or click here to share your story with her.
Who is right?: I want to wear a black wedding dress, but my mother refuses to come if I do.
My friends are notoriously late so I lied to them about our plans† Now, we don’t speak.
My partner develops a close bond with his flirtatious colleague. Can I demand that he quit his job?
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Girls trip went wrong: Friends invited my ex-boyfriend to our vacation
