Even tech companies like Netflix and PayPal require manual effort and often pages of documentation if the next of kin don’t have access to the deceased’s credentials. But Empathy, another post-loss software company, wants to change that. A premium feature uses what technology is good at — finance and form prefilling — to automate the closing of the deceased’s accounts. Ron Gura, co-founder of Empathy, says, “We’re taking what’s complex for humans and easy for machines, and making it as simple and accessible as possible.” The company hopes to reduce the more than 26 hours a month that 46 percent of families spend on the phone to manage a relative’s business.
Achieving this goal, as Arthur explains, may require a combination of technology and personal support. “You have an app or website that you can use, but there is also someone on the phone who can answer your questions or show you the way.”
Post-loss technology providers have integrated one-to-one support into many services. But an easy-to-navigate user experience around informative, clear checklists is the most helpful support a digital platform can provide. Each “to-do” and “how-to” list lightens up mental energy, but more importantly, they’re all organized by time. Grouping tasks by “Tack this first” or “To do in week three” visually counters the biggest misconception for people grieving: that everything related to the deceased—their family, assets, finances, and legacy—should be done so quickly. may need to be handled.
“They have to take their time,” Arthur says of grieving people. “Those accounts will still be there. Do not hurry.”
Sheri Kay, a death doula in Asheville, North Carolina, tries to alleviate her clients’ expectations that they must act quickly. “You can rest in it without the sense of urgency that something is over and the next step needs to happen,” she says. “We bring a sense of, hopefully, an essence of control into an unmanageable situation.”
That space allows families to have more freedom of choice when responding to death. They may have time to talk to a community doula, who often connects with mourners through word of mouth. They may remember a collaboration between their bank and a post-loss app and learn how to plan a funeral service instead of a traditional funeral.
Making time for decisions that are true to the person who has passed away and their loved ones is one way to honor the loss of each person, as each experience is unique. “People often say, ‘sorrow is sadness is sadness,’” says Melissa Seligman, another doula from Asheville. “But if we don’t look at the independent stories of each person’s grief, then we don’t understand each person’s situation.”
Many who work in the death care industry, from doulas to technology company founders, emphasize the importance of end-of-life planning. The logistical burden after someone’s death can be eased by thorough preparatory work, such as keeping account records, keeping wills updated, and talking to trusted individuals about funeral wishes. But Seligman recognizes that such a smooth transition is not the reality for many. She specializes in traumatic loss, such as accidents or suicides, such as my father’s. The Covid-19 pandemic has shown that even the most careful end-of-life plans can be turned upside down and lead to traumatic loss and, consequently, traumatic grief.
When you encounter a traumatic loss, Seligman says, “You’re not really working with that person’s grief yet, you’re working with their shock. You could walk in and say, ‘What should I do? They might look at you like you’re crazy, like, ‘Do you think I have an idea what I need right now?’”
